You humans make it so easy....

Yes, you certainly do. Here's why:

Today I uncovered  an interesting story whilst searching for an at-home recipe for chloroform. Surprising, I know. But, I could not for the life of me recall the ratio of bleach to acetone!

According to theweek.com, there is a new human affliction known as "Forgotten Baby Syndrome." and it's apparently on the rise. Forgotten babies? Well, now you've certainly piqued my interest.

This "syndrome" causes adult humans to forget their spawn in the backseats of sweltering cars, because they're too busy juggling the Wal-Mart circular page, a cell phone, and a Wendy's frosty. They run into the supermart of their choice, to purchase XYZ consumer crap that will sit at the bottom of their closets or basements for years to come.

After countless hours of munching on ranch Doritos and drinking an extra large cherry coke slushy, they suddenly realize that their shopping trip has been largely unencumbered by their yapping, whiny, smelly and unruly offspring. This is because THEY FORGOT TO TAKE THEM OUT OF THEIR CAR SEAT. This discovery causes them to leave their shopping carts which by now are full of fish sticks, fruit roll-ups, lawn furniture and those little ice cream cones with the chunk of chocolate at the bottom, to run out to their minivan to discover their precious little Willy or Janice has succumbed to the oppressively hot conditions. Shame on you! 

Trust me, as someone who has been locked in a hot car only to suffer for hours, I can say it's definitely something I rate up there with a rectal exam at the vet's office. Not cool, humans! Not cool at all!

Stupid humans! You make it so easy for us canines to take over. You're so busy leading your pathetic lives that you've begun to "accidentally" kill your own children. The future of the human race. FORGOTTEN. This admittedly makes me a bit sad and angry.. Any human I don't get to kill myself always bums me out. Though, I certainly prefer to wait until humans are grown adults, full of pointless ideas, blank stares and a general lack of all accountability....Makes for a much more enjoyable experience.

Killing kids and babies has never been of interest to me, as they are truly innocent. They can't help the unfortunate hand dealt to them: being born human. Plus, they are too easily manipulated into doing my bidding. Why not keep them around for a while?