Well, Saturday night has rolled around. Normally I expect Girl to walk around in a whiskey-and-diet-coke stupor, while painting her vapid face with dark pencils and elevating her ridiculous giraffe-esque legs even more with 4 inch heels to then stomp out the door claiming "there better be hot dudes at this bar or I'm going home".
But alas, Mother Nature has literally rained on my plans for this evening. So instead, Girl is sitting on her couch in elastic-waisted pants and scarfing a myriad of ice cream sandwiches, while watching something called "Lifetime".
I had planned on pulling supplies from the basement in order to start building my arsenal of pipe bombs. I even found Girl's extra supply of dental floss, which I am certain would work well as makeshift garrote wire.
What's worse is that I have to watch Girl eat all those ice cream sandwiches. That bitch. I had planned on devouring those as well.
DAMN YOU MOTHER NATURE!!!!! If only you'd stop your incessant downpour, so that Girl could go get good and loaded with her vacuous friends. She'd be so black-out drunk by the time she got home, that she wouldn't even notice I was out of my cage, assembling plastic explosives. I might even get to try one of my judo choke holds on her before she officially passed out for the night.
Alas, as my plans have been thwarted, I might as well just curl up and watch somebody called "Tori Spelling" fall for a pathological liar, who will abduct her into the woods.
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