Guess who's back, Bitches!

That's right. It's been far too long since I graced your pathetic presence with my thoughts, desires and plans to eradicate the human race.

Well, I still want to do that. But, seriously, I've got the hook-up. (Been watching a lot of a show called, Martin, on syndication.

Peep this:

Girl (you remember her as that weirdo fellow human who "rescued" me from the shelter, hilariously oblivious to the realization of my hatred for all things "sapien".) basically IS my slave. Let me exemplify.

1: She walks me around the neighborhood. I urninate both to mark my territory and to remain in contact with my canine brethren. I also defecate, which Girl promptly PICKS UP.

Let me repeat that so you understand the impact of my last statement.

She PICKS up my FECES with her OWN HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sure, she uses a plastic cover, but if that doesn't say "Bitch Servant", I don't know what does.

2: She takes me to the ice cream stand and I get to gorge myself on a cone, which she HAND FEEDS ME!!!! See above evidence.

3. I urinated all over her new zebra rug (Girl has an annoying penchant for animal prints) and Girl merely shrugged her shoulders and sprinkled on the Oxyclean. Sucker.

Words cannot express my utter joy at FINALLY having a human servant. Ugh. This is the life. That said mortal reader, my plot to end your sad race is still in action. But, frankly you humans are doing a pretty good job of that yourself. Now to legalize sterilization for all Ke$ha and Toby Keith fans......I digress...

For the time being, I am going to alternate between Girl feeding me seedless red grapes and fanning me with a large palm frond... and sharing my take on things I consider to be:

1. Idiotic

2. Vapid

3. The reason why humans need to be tarred, feathered, honeyed, fire ant'd, cryogenically frozen so they can later wake up and realize they are going to die a complete failure and then burnt at the stake (but only after they char-grill me a delicious Italian sausage).

More to follow...

Au revoir, mes petits stupids!

-Penny